100% Pure Petroleum Jelliffe

This seemed as good a way as any to end my temporary hiatus. I’ve recently been on a pareidolia kick. Now for those of you who don’t habla espanol know what that means, namely all of you, pareidolia is the phenomenon of seeing meaningful patterns where none really exist. So every time you see a cat in a cloud, Jesus in a taco, or an emotion of Keanu Reeves’ face, that’s pareidolia. I started a Flickr group for posting pictures of such phenomena. (One million bonus points if you actually find a picture of Keanu with an actual expression on his face.) And what makes this especially relevant today is this ten year-old sandwich on e-bay with the Virgin Mary’s face on it. E-bay had taken the pic down, but then decided to put it back up. Not sure why, but I doubt it was to stop someone from actually spending $100,000 USD on it. That’s right $100,000. Don’t they sell something at K-Mart that let’s you make shapes on your toast? Doesn’t bread disintegrate over a period of ten years? I mean what the bloody hell is going on here?

Is this divine sandwich granting wishes or something? Everyone is searching for meaning in their lives, but like drugs, sandwiches resembling religious icons are not the answer. There aren’t even any first hand accounts of what she looked like anyway! Because some renaissance artist popularized her visage 500 years ago, 1500 years after she died mind you, people flock to a goddamned piece of toast?! If it is a sign from God, may I choke on potato chip in the shape of St. Peter. Maybe then I’ll recognize him at the Pearly Gates.