100% Pure Petroleum Jelliffe

In the vein of X-Entertainment, here’s a guy with too much time on his hands. A compendium of cereal character knowledge, Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Character Guide documents just about every cereal’s brand identity. He’s got the scoop on Snap, Crackle and Pop, Tony the Tiger (and his wife?!), Toucan Sam, and a bunch of much less reputable ones. Take Kellogg’s OKs. Please. No wonder these don’t exist any more. Cereal companies figured out quickly you have to exaggerate your brand using as many superlatives as possible. Who’s going to want an average cereal? Nabisco Averages, Post Ho-hums, General Mills Shrugs of Indifference: these cereals wouldn’t stand a chance. Then there’s Homestat Farms Maypo (scroll down the page a little). Supposedly it’s maple flavored oatmeal. Sounds like dog food to me. And apparently I wasn’t that far off the bat with this article on Cap’n Crunch’s promotion. Futurama stole my bit.