HOLLYWOOD, CA - Dean Haglund, who played recurring character Ringo Langly on the X-Files, has taken on the new scrotal warming crisis. The C-list actor, star of such dubious “films” as Dangerous Indiscretion, and Mask of Death has invented a pad to insulate one’s nether regions from the harmful heat generated by laptops.
As reported […]
Archive for December, 2004
I had this thought occur to me while lying in bed one morning. I’m sure it’s been pointed out before, and perhaps even explained away, but I think it bears repeating. Now follow closely.
We(stern Civilization) celebrate the birth of our (most people’s) Lord on December 25th. Our calendar starts at […]
I made a post a while ago about how fake John Basedow looks with his immobile, ripped torso, and pencil neck, like some demented bobble head come to life. Well I get a fair amount of traffic from people researching “basedow fraud” and the like because of it. Unfortunately, I have no information […]
LONG ISLAND CITY, NY - Peter Jelliffe is “the White Devil,” according to a statement released by an angry black man at a fried chicken restaurant today at lunchtime. The statement was made after the man finished shouting his order for two slices of pizza and Mr. Jelliffe turned to see what the commotion […]
For 4 months out of the year, the coldest ones, people become static electricity generators. The air dries out and free electrons whore themselves out dirt cheap and cling to your clothes. Your shoes insulate you from the rest of the world, so you have a higher electric charge than all the inanimate […]
Thar She Blows, Matey! or Catching Your White Whale
Published December 13th, 2004 in Escapades. 2 CommentsBy “thar” I mean “Bowery Ballroom last night,” by “she” I mean “Ted Leo,” and by “blows” I mean “rocked my ever loving socks off!” Matey just means matey. After what amounted to be about a year and a half, I finally caught my white whale, seeing Ted Leo live for an entire […]
STONY BROOK, NY - Laptops are contributing to worldwide scrotal warming, a study released by SUNY Stony Brook says. Scrotal warming has dire consequences for male fertility, and therefore the world as a whole. It has been well documented that even a slight rise in baseline scrotal temperature can have a dramatic effect.
“[Laptops] […]
Microwave Popcorn
DO NOT look at the directions on the package, for they are lying to you. Unless you like toxic smoke billowing through your apartment, DO NOT cook the popcorn on high for 4 minutes, as all popcorn instructions say. You MUST actively listen for the pops to stop. Your wellbeing and […]
Has this ever happened to your favorite show?
What used to make you laugh now makes you groan and sigh heavily.
What was to ensure half hour on non stop hilarity now has a 50/50 shot of eliciting a forced chuckle.
What once brought tears of laughter to your eyes now brings tears of pain and frustration.
What used […]
