Why people gotta keep dying? Mitch Hedberg has died of a drug overdose. I know I report a lot of deaths here, and maybe I should start an obituary section, but this one’s really tragic. I mean, this guy was unique, and got way too little attention for my taste.
Mitch Hedberg’s jokes […]
Archive for March, 2005
If There’ s a Tumor in the Brain, From Jokes I Cannot Refrain
Published March 30th, 2005 in Headlines. 1 CommentLOS ANGELES, CA - Johnnie Cochran, legendary attorney, most notably getting OJ Simpson acquitted of murder, died from an inoperable brain tumor yesterday. Made famous by the rhyme, “If [the glove] doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” there has to be a joke to be made about his death.
“His death comes as a shock to […]
This is one sweet ride, let me tell you. When I passed it on my way to the Kennedy Fried Chicken, I stopped and stared.
“Jump Off Groupie!!” caught my eye.
Then I saw the ticket on the windshield. Poor guy, probably spent so much on the decals (and matching Jump Off Groupie pajamas) that […]
Not available in all states.
Allstate Insurance was brought under investigation this week when someone actually read the small print in their television commercials. The disclaimer reads that Allstate Insurance is “not available in all states.”
“It turns out that Allstate Insurance claims are actually null and void in the states of Wyoming and Missouri,” stated […]
Mimic a Website
I like Lifehacker’s how to section. I think I’ve come across some time/money/effort/life saving things that people should know. After all, the purpose of this website is to show how much better off people are for having known me.
Double Your OJ
Tropicana orange juice is thick. I mean syrupy thick. […]
I make a lot of jokes about my parents getting eaten by a bear. Once, in high school, a girl actually believed me.
This woman was eaten by a bear.
I promise* I will never joke about people being eaten by bears again.
*Not a promise.
You’ve probably heard the joke about the science, engineering, and economics professors stranded on an island together. The first to think of actual ways to get off, but the economist just assumes they have a boat and they can set sail at any time. Economists love to assume things. Just ask my […]
I’ve seen some look-a-likes in my day, but this one really threw me for a loop.
You may be familiar with a little phenomenon known as Chappelle’s Show. There’s a skit about a televised dice game in a project. It’s pretty funny, but what isn’t on that show? Anyway, the announcer looked slightly familiar. […]
An oldie, but a goodie.
P.S. You need divx to watch it.
The following is a true story. It occurred Friday, March 11, 2005 at 2:30 PM EST.
“That’s odd,” I say to myself. Why would my keyboard and mouse be missing? The dish ran away with the spoon, but this is ridiculous.
I call up the IT guy and ask him if he took them. […]
