100% Pure Petroleum Jelliffe

If I could afford it, I’d wear a brand new pair of socks everyday. I’d give the old ones to charity of course, but I’d only wear each pair once before doing so.

There’s nothing quite like putting on a pair of fresh-out-of-the-polythene-bag socks. It’s not like new shirts or underwear that are all scratchy out of the package. Socks can’t help but be soft as the new fallen snow.

I’d be doing the world a service this way actually. I’d be putting sock companies’ kids through college, and be giving back clean socks to the community. Ever see a homeless guy’s socks? Not pretty. Absurdly rich people like Shaquille O’Neal and Rocafella Records CEO Damon Dash do the same thing, except with every article of clothing. I don’t know how useful a pair of size 22 basketball shoes are to anyone besides Shaq, maybe they fit over your regular shoes, but I guess his heart’s in the right place.

Anyway, I don’t have nearly enough money to fund such a ridiculous enterprise, but the dream lives on.