Those of you who ride the F train, may be familiar with a couple rush hour regulars. There’s the guy with no legs in the wheelchair, who instead of asking for change, arhythmically jangles the change in his tin cup. There’s the man who lost most of his fingers in some undisclosed mishap, and if you don’t give him money all he asks for is a smile <tear>. There’s also the washed up jazz keyboardist that can usually be seen on the 14th Street stop, filling the station with morning muzak. But my favorite of all of them is the Duracell Salesman.
Not to be confused with the Chinese ladies hocking DVDs and batteries, the Duracell Salesman sells only 100% Duracell Alkaline Batteries. In his trademark hoarse voice, he proclaims that he is, in fact, “a good businessman,” and explains that above ground you will pay upwards of three dollars plus tax for the same batteries which he only charges a dollar.
I can see him as a kid, the forerunner for today’s youth selling candy for trips to Rome, or basketball teams, peddling counterfeit Thin Mints on the F train.
“I am a good businessman. You will pay perhaps five dollars for these Girl Scout cookies at your own doorstep, but I am selling them to you for only one dollar. Delicious and nutritious. Help out the Girl Scouts by buying these cookies.”
Well, it could have happened. Maybe his dream was to sell batteries on the train for a living. Maybe he’ll go public, or at least incorporate himself, so people can’t sue him directly, just his counterfeit battery empire.
A wanga wanga dang daaaang!!!!
The guy who says if you don’t have any change, at least have a smile. His name is “Lloyd”. You’ll be happy to know that he’s back on his feet and coaching his basketball team again thanks to all our help. I’m saddened to learn that he is cheating on N train riders, who he tells “I only ride the N train” with F riders. He ruins the line “If you don’t have any change, at least give me a smile” now by prefacing it with “People who know me know I always say…” He knows it’s a popular catch phrase. But he’s perverted it now somehow. :) Oh, P.S. I don’t think he lost his fingers, I think he just has a birth defect of some sort.