Coca-Cola® (the company), in it’s infinite wisdom, is infusing Coca-Cola® (the soft drink) with coffee extract. It shall be called Coca-Cola® Blak. Leave off the last ‘c’ for caffeine. But why stop there? Throw in some nicotine and dextromethorphan and we’re all set. It’ll keep you up, soothe your throat, calm your nerves, and blacken your teeth. I want all my legal habit-forming, corrosive substances in one drink, goddamit! Listen to me, I’m already addicted to this hypothetical drink.
I really can’t help but think of my all-time favorite Onion article Coca-cola Introduces New 30-liter Size. Everyone knows that the Onion called Gillette’s move to 5 blades a year in advance, right down to the dual lubricating strips. You know something’s wrong with your marketing department if you’re actually fulfilling prophecies set forth by a fake newspaper.
Let’s just hope they’re wrong about Texans electing a gun to Congress, and dolphins evolving opposable thumbs.
[via T-Bone]
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